I was dating this guy from October of 2015 to November 2016. With all the shit in my life, he was the most beautiful distraction I could've gotten. He gave me the best year of my life! He was the best thing that has ever happened to me...until he was the worse.
Around eight-nine months in, he got really abusive. Our relationship was falling apart but I was way too scared to admit it so I let it go on way too long.
Finally, we both came to realization that it was over and was not going to get any better. He drove me home one last time from school and we both broke down crying. I watched him drive away and I just collapsed. I finally got myself into my house and screamed, and I mean really screamed. It was gone, my happiness. My love was gone. I felt so scared and devastated. I was completely alone. Finally after hours of crying, I had no choice but to just lay there, feeling numb. Completely numb. I felt dead, I even convinced myself that I wasn't human. Because it was just so inhumane to feel this kind of sadness. I honestly feel like a break up can sometimes be harder than a death. Because when someone dies, they don't have a choice, they don't mean to hurt you. But in a break up, and mine especially, he definitely meant to hurt me. He was so incredibly mean to me after the break up. He called me horrible things and made up horrible rumors. The sadness I felt was so intense. I thought I was going to die from it. And yes, I know, I sound so dramatic, but it's what I felt. There is no exaggeration to this description of tragedy that I went through. This pain lasted 5 months on full power. To this day, I think about him and I miss him. I wish things never ended. I have a new boyfriend now, but I still can't help but to try and turn this boyfriend into my first love.
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